"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
