What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
