cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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