In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
