Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
