but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
