Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
