im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
