whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
