she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
tell me about the fingering
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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