then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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