I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
