I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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