Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
