So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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