she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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