I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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