She said her name was "party"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
