I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we made out on top of his cat.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
