His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
