drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
