If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
