some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All the doctor said was why
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
