why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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