I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
