I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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