Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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