You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
