They should really pass out barf bags in church
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
