Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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