I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
