I like my sex mixed with concussions.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
