My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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