well you can't waste a boner
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
