why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
