Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize