Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
