If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm getting married
To pizza
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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