we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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