Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
