shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
