so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
