We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
