if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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