When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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