i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
