12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
