I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
