So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh god it's open bar.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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