Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
