This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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