so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
