Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
A+ Viking dick
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
