i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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