I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
