is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize