I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
