her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
