She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
