i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
