hotel room ftw
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize