I just cut my nipple shaving
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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