i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize