Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
they're like a gay fantastic four
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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