i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
