I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize