I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
