we have officially lost it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
