i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
