i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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