Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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