i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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