I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
