Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
