I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
