i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's blow job season.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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