My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
