i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woke up backwards on a recliner
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
