Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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