My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
