shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
