Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
