Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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