thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
