I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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