Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
