dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
