Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
