I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize