So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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