every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
