He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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