Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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