not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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