Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
