"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
