**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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