we're making bets on your personal life
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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