Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
