The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize