After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
