If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
