God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
