question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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