So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
