just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
