Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
