Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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