every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
