i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
